Having you is all I want

2012-02-16T22:29:00.000-08:00

Today, I lost someone I love so many years. :'( its very heart broken and sad when that someone you love doesnt love you back. I'll hope you understand that for the past few years is im trying to love you and at the same time be your girl. But whatever decision you make i'll try to stay strong. :'(( although leaving me was no choice. Still you broke my heart.

- you made a wrong decision.

Stress over work

2012-02-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

I'm still in school.. doing my jsp coding java.. very stress. no one here. sitting alone dont know what to do. Wish you were here :'( why everytime when i need you, you're either busy playing games or just wanna sleep at home. T_______T so hurt and depressed! No one understands me... no friends to help for this stupid coding! ASP.NET JSP. JAVA. HTML SERVLET. O M G .

i wish you were here to pick me up.

Give me your love.
need your loving arms.

2011-12-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

throat pain.. felt very sick and cold. hmm...

2011-12-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Today is 22nd of Dec... My birthday is on 20 Dec and I'm already 20 years old!
Spend most of my time with my boy .. Loving you more everyday. Im addicted to you ..Your my Nutella ....:) Eating good food of course .. We went to east coast park and ate oysters , chicken wings and my tummy feeling unwell. Need to rest since ytd haven slept

13 Nov 2011

2011-11-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

Its been a long long time again since i updated my blog. oh gosh.. o.O Going to be dec soon, birthday coming, turning 20 ! AHHHH...old ah ma.

anyway, waiting for baby to finish working. Lucky have free wireless here. so can wait for him. He just got his job as a "Life Guard~" :) grats sweetheart ^_^ first pay must treat me good food to fill my tummy.

Heavy rain here. Haven't done my project. Year 2.2 le.. need to graduate faster. Cannot wait to have my own job and house and and...... him! Will wait for him to finish NS , after that see darling what he wants to do :P. Have our own shop!. BIG BIG house.

hohoho.. luckily this year my weight become lighter , hopefully can maintain luh..

10 mins more waiting for him. Will update soon if i'm free. ;D

I love you~

Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

2011-08-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

2011-08-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

after listening to some of my favorite songs, I started crying, smiling to myself.
Wish it could be better.. I miss him. Sometimes, its just so sad. :'( is it wrong to comment you on fb? *wipe tears....

making something. :(((((((((
betcha don't even knoe?

2011-07-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

31 July 23.45pm.

Being totally ignored for whole day and not even an sms from you or a call. Feel terribly heartbroken, I really don't know how you would fix it. Spend the whole day at changi beach followed by east coast park all alone. A single thought of you seeing couples really spending time being happy with one another, how I wish i could feel that too. Felt jealous, I.also wanted that feeling. Heart melt and started to feel broken. You always said you cared. :'((
But everytime you wont have guts to call or find me but rather be out with friends.

Am i wrong?? ... Was it always me who make you so angry. I hardly spend time with you, mostly study, gym, eat... I want to hold you :,(( hug you, kiss you... :'(((( I miss you and love you every single day my love goes strong. Without you, my life is incomplete. I need you to be that guy. My guy. Was at Takashimaya and i saw something special, started to make the perfect gift for us. Maybe on 27 sept or your birthday will give you.

lord, help and guide me through each day.
- The meaning of you

Holidays come Hospital

2011-06-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

This few days i was in the SGH due to some virus... I thought coming here can give me some peace, resting and getting better, but during my first two days of stay, i cant even sleep properly and had to ask the doc for sleeping pills.. My whole mouth had ulcer not small but big like a ring size both its cheeks swollen whitish as for the lips its still bleeding.. I hope i recover soon and my bf had bloodshot eyes.

Today an old woman passed away right infront of me. . I've seen it with my own eyes.. At first i think why does her family kept on massaging her leg. .Anyway, let her rest in peace.. I hope me and max lumpy will get well faster.
I hope i can sleep cuz the lady beside me keep shouting pain!!! How am i suppose to sleep?!! Whole day and night... Seriously, being in the hospital is hard..Different Doctor/Specialist everyday checking on me.. I pray i get well together with the one i love. :')) Max boyboy,~

Time is very precious.

Catching Cockroach

2011-04-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

This week I've been hunting cockroaches in my home every night before I sleep. O.o pretty sure it's bad , but I hate "insects" !! Lizards and all those .... Eee! First I sprayed at it, than spray more.... Till it wiggled a lot and than press it or jus use anything I can find, be it books or newspapers.. I just " WHACK"!! "BAM!" ... Dead.. Killed 2 today , 3 ytd... Anyway,

Got back from IKEA .. Love the meatballs, salmon with sauce can't rbm the dessert name I had...not forgetting the ice cream and hotdog at a dollar! oh ya, and the chicken wings... All in my tummy.. Don't bother counting the calories cause my leg muscles are aching. Did squats, lunges .. must have a hot bod... sch is reopening tmr, lost abt 5kg ....need 3kg more..
Will upload pics soon.

1) tmr heading down for an interview
2) get my camera canon 550D!! Omg, I'm excited
3) set up my website
4) love my baby hubby bunny more<3

You are my everything.

Visit www.thediced.blogspot.com

I'm in love with max lum yong chee

2011-04-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

It's April and I still feel like im in a holiday mood... Feel like talking to him, sort of miss talking to him for long hours on phone. Miss him so much. Feeling not so well, not sure because I'm losing weight! o-o I miss dear ! I miss him T.T ~ recently, got back from batam with him for a trip. Excited, will go for more overseas trip... I'm learning to love again..it's a wonderful feeling being with someone you love so much going through everything. I feel like doing something I've never done in my life. I am gonna do it.
Success in life begins with a stepping stone. I'm 100000000000% deeply crazy super duper kuku in love :')))

I'm happy I have my guy . My dreams , I have to make it real.
For love, I will. :')))

2011-03-30T23:13:00.000-07:00

I was shivering in fear and heart beats fast. I have to go out. I really need to....feel like .....should try.

2011-03-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

12.14pm. nice weather... sometimes we just have to learn from mistakes. i've done my part and everything i could. It cant be always me in the wrong. Just think about love once we've had in our lives, it brings so much happiness, joy, quarrels, sadness. I'll always be that someone you knew..even though we are not together, im always trying my best to hold on.It will never be me giving up on you. After all i've done, im not giving up. I'm falling for you... I'm in love with you~

-Nothing can stop me.
-Need your loving hands to come and pick me up. :')

2011-03-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

love. commitment.trust

:,) Everything i do or say its meaningless. Were you just using me? Love is blind, love is hard.. hard to move on when you love that very special someone and always hoping that he will stay. but he didnt.. no one else i could love for its you. your my guy im hoping for... last few days were my happiest day of my life to be with you its so loved and i wish it could stay. why others can forgive and forget and love each other so long why cant we ? i feel so silly and regret doing it with you. i thought you loved me for who i am not for me becoming someone. things turn out bad. and you left me. i pray someday you wake up and think. :,))) i wish you all the best in whatever you are and always cherish everything we had.:,(((((((

i love you 27 sept 2009.
my love for you. :,(( xin tong.

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

2011-03-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favourite song i search on youtube. :')

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved"

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

[Chorus:]
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

[Chorus 2x]

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move

2011-03-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

I'm missing the special feeling.. Omg, I cant stop myself, why am I crying so much for you... The feeling is like a knife stabbing ample times in my heart as if I was dying bit by bit. I jus wanna hold you.. ;'(((( I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain and I will stand by you forever.. ...... You can take my breathe away. I can be your hero..

Mute.

2011-03-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

Decide what you want and go for it.

Its 7pm , still haven't eat or drink ... but thats alright. I know what I want but i can't force.. so, yup.. waiting for lay peng to come home fast so i can meet her later.. guess she come back also 12am le..hmmm, she so good can go KL dog trip $175 + hotel is a good bargain for 2 nights 3 days. I also wan to go holidays.. now need to let mum use com ..hmm... at least u tried messaging me. Don't expect much though.

- Whatever you want in life, i'll be there to help you
missing you.

2011-03-22T23:11:00.001-07:00

sometimes i feel that coming here as close to you wouldnt bring me you. cant believe im at toa payoh park. h amymoreaven eaten nor drink or sleep.phone batt is flat... the only way i came was to know the answer. i believe you wouldnt came, no matter how hard i try. listening to all those lies from you, it never exists. wish someone or anyone here for me. wish and thought u were the one. felt so stupid felt like crying is useless. why even reply my sis, cant u face the reality... felt like hitting u more. u wouldnt find me. all guys treat me this way. may tonight is my last....

all u care was about yrself, family, friends now... there's no turning back for u. i wont see you anymore... for the guy i love so much just dump me and treat me like a nobody. i wish someone could jus talk to me. hear me cry. :,((((((

2011-03-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

22nd Of March 2011.

Had a terrible and awful feeling today and yesterday.
I can't seem to let go of things I've always wanted or had in my life.
This is another story I'm going through again in pain i've always had inside me..

I wish someone could just take me away. I wish it was you , I wish everything turn out fine. After reading his blog, I felt deeply cut through in my heart , never ever felt so hurt in my life. Whatever I did, was to only be with you, to fall in love with you, to feel that love and to even be with you for as long as you want me to. Now, It really doesn't matter to you, does it?

I started to ponder and ask myself is love really worth it? Actually to me, it does. It always will and i'll cherish it till the end. I don't mind him getting back to his past, going back to church , spending time with his friends. But of course, "Us" , I'll always remember it. The days, years we spent, totally gave up all my dreams all because of love. Well , I guess my dreams is to be and have someone i love so much. And you know who you are...you, max.

I think I know what you want, and I'm giving it all to you. I just couldn't let you go in the park. It was the most memorable day i had. I wish you could hug me longer, who knows maybe I wouldnt have that anymore in my whole life! :'(( deep down, It really hurts just to see the one I love just slip away from it. I wish i could turn back time, be with you, and only you. I said its true.. i can't bare to hold it any longer.

Like you said, "even though if we can't be together we still need to move on."
Do you know how hurtful is that... It takes me a very very long time to find a great guy that.... its just few more years of hard work and we can be together. I hope my life would be better with you by my side, having kids, travelling around, spending my life with you. I don't know why i'm crying so much but kind of like the feeling.

Maybe tomorrow afternoon i shall go to some of our favourite places myself, we used to go there to eat oysters :')).. beach of course.. relaxing, the water splashing, the breeze..makes me so happy. who knows , i might just die over there?... :') Don't worry, just saying..boy, i miss you so much right now staring at the phone..browsing at photos, musics, waiting for your name to appear in its calling mode. I love that , bet it even makes my heart melts. Would you?

Having you in my life is a gift from god and I know god wants me to take care of it.

3am
12th floor
I'm sitting in the windowsill, your picture taped to the glass
Feel your arms around me but you're not here
I wear this shirt cause it has your scent
It's the closest I will ever be to you again

City sounds remind me of when we owned it all
We walked these streets and drank it all in
Never in my life had I felt so close to heaven
Never in my life have I felt so alone

There's a burning inside me that won't go away
It won't let me sleep
It won't let me think of anything else but you.
27/9/2009

2011-03-10T13:57:00.001-08:00

OMG. THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN AND AGAIN.....

I cannot tolerate the f***ing shit of nonsense. had enough of it!!...
WHEN IS IT GONNA END?... NEEDA GET OUT FROM THE HOUSE ASAP !
Living it for 12 YEARS in my blood and i cannot take it anymore!! PLEASE, ANYONE... SOMEONE..COULD JUST HELP ME, I'm begging you. :'( T_T

If I've some money i would just make things much more easier. Please Lord, give me a home and a peaceeeful family so we could have a wonderful time together.

I pray that NON of these would happen .. EVER!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-HATE MY LIFE. wish i could be rich and have no problems.

2011-02-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

I thought love was everything to me. You have me waiting in the park. But this time I knew im never gonna wait long enough for you to come! That's so stuuuuupid!!!

He said " Now, love is nothing to me". ...
Lets see about that..

2011-02-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

My guy said that I've hurt him and I used his money.. I mean everything I used since the day I met him ?? This reaaaaaaaally hurts me. The best part was I read those letters u gave me back then. Was it all true or just some make up story?? How could you ever say that to me.. I thought money can't give/buy happiness? Why are you saying this to me ? I'm going freaking insane every month.. I can't take it !! I've really did what I had to do.. I don't want to be the one crying yet your not here with me and what???? You want me to wait till the clock strike 12am than you call or SMS to apologize? What do you treat me as? A piece of shyt that can rot there and when u need me I have to always be there. I'm sick, do u even bother??? Past few days I wanna starve myself. Think I'm going anorexia . Depressed over love. Cant fulfill my wish. My dreams.. Where were you when I needed you?

At home? Eating? Sleeping? Watching tv ?

Wake up max, there's not enough time.
Crying makes me depress and worst . terrible feeling~
Depression leads to suicide.

-I love the way you hug me ecp 7.13pm . But now it's broken

2010-12-30T19:50:00.000-08:00

stop treating me like a replacement. you rather be with your friends than with me. why do we even have to be together at the first place?

if you really wan to be with them so much than go.. after all they are "yours"

this year is a fucked up world.

2010-12-29T09:09:00.000-08:00

For all the guys I've been with, it's really hard to have a guy that can understand my feelings . Everything keeps coming back... I jus don't know whether is it right continuing or what? Felt sad a couple of times, but not one showed me a 110% love. Don't think your ready for it. it's like a daily routine : gym, eat, movies, sleep . :'(( can't guys even think? I mean I know u have your time but at least don't forget, me. :'[ don't know what's right for us. When I'm always missing you at night , it means you reaaaally need to try hard to love me more. I need more love .
:'(( you never tried sending good night messages nor take me out to nice places , just me and you.. :'(((
What a sad year for me I've gone through sooo much . All you care is about u being tired blah blah blah.. where were you when I needed you. Sad birthday sad Christmas = fucking depression + silly things.

How I wish everyday was Christmas so I'd be happy.
Will run more till I'll faint tmr . Why are you called my bf anyway?

WTF :'(

2010-12-18T07:56:00.000-08:00

Early present for myself, blood running through me, it feels so good . I love it when someone hurts me more, I love the pain inside. I knew I would nv stop myself. It jus happened. U left me and empty message, so to me that is a partial breakup already. It doesn't matter anymore, cause my heart is dying ...would u save it in time? :'))) I hope I die today.. So it will be my happiest day of my life . Knowing you made me so in love and I really thank you for that. At least I have someone loving me before. It hurts so much , boy, I wish u could call earlier .

- pain , help me.

2010-12-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

Here I am lying down again , today I stayed at home didn't know what to do so I end up lying on bed whole day nv went out .
I felt like doing something I've nv tried before. Hmmm, as usual today cried on bed Wondering whether u would give me that love again, but not today, heart felt as if I've died.
Feeling so sad now , upset, depressed , suiside , love, happiness , you and it was always you.
Tmr I will be going out alone , just feel like going to our places I've first kiss and hold your hands.. :'(((((
I miss him so much, I can't even express how much he means to me, tell him how I feel. If tomorrow never comes, does he know how much I love him.

It will always be you that I love , even when tomorow I'm out alone or if I wasn't here anymore. I'll always love you, your my only one I ever had and gone through so much . I'm jus so sad that u gave up on me.. Why does it have to hurt so much.. why I can't stop crying.. :,((( I hate myself !!! STOP CRYING!! I nv love someone this much before and it's getting worst I'm worried I can't control myself .. Lord, please help me... what must I do.. What if he doesn't need me anymore...
I'm so afraid of losing you , very very afraid someone would take u away from me..
I wish someday I will jus close my eyes and lie on yr shoulder bring all the memories back.
It 11.30pm, :'((((( please don't treat me like this.... I wish u nv treat me like this. Why can't I find someone that truly loves me and not avoid me.. :'((((((( I'm fucking crying and this heart of mine is just gonna bleed ...Feel like stabbing myself in the heart so I don't hv to feel it.
I love you so much. I really love you more than anything and your the only one in my life.

I wish I could be yours forever, you've promise me remember ? :'(((( don't let me go boy ... Pleaseee :'(
l wanna marry you . I wanna take care and have children with you. Been having this nightmare since I was pri 6.
T_T would u love me again ? *panda eyes . Wipe tears ..missing you.

I guess I will wait for you even if u found someone u love more than me.. Will be there for you.

- unwell, I lie on bed thinking about u :'(
hope u will come home safely with a great girl.
2 more days to ... Hopefully I'm Alive.

2010-12-16T22:43:00.000-08:00

I'm terribly sad now... Feel as if yr love wasn't there anymore.. Feel so unloved. Somemore, I can't get to see u for so long hurts me so much, yet u can't feel how much it hurts when u can commenting fb so happily . Do u know I am a girl that will get jealous? Have u ever think how much it hurts not to see u when I'm jus lying on bed hugging the toy u gave crying and thinking will I ever have the same feeling again. 3 more days my birthday but I guess I wanna go outside by myself since no once is celebrating with me.

Why when u say fb doesn't mean anything but I still see u comment yr own status on wat yr doing.Can't u jus keep it to yrself / yr happy outing wif yr fren or whatsoever ! Missed u like I wanna die and jus let go.

Please don't make me sad or cry. Forget all those things..
Where is me? Am I the one for u ?? T________T
I love u so much , max... Tears rolling down my cheek, wish u wipe my tears. Already having holidays, but u still reply morning and study????!!!!!

Want to die infront of u.
For once, make me fall in love with u again.

2010-11-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Waiting for my guy to message , hope his fine... Tomorrow's a special day, I don't wanna brag about it but it's always special on the 27 of the month. Can't wait to spend time with him . Love him so much but at the same time feel bad cause he work today is for me. So, so.... Sweet . Lying on bed and tummy keeps making funny noises. Drank a lot of water but still thirsty. Went to gym in the evening. Total calories lost around 500+ or more cause I push myself further....

Seriously ! I need a vacation with him.. When will I ever have a vacation with sweety. Miss him so much only can hug doggy. I'll just lay on bed and wait for him.

-everyday we learn to love and forgive each other.

2010-11-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

Another day

haissss, I'm feeling so terribly depressed! Feels like everything's my fault ,but no... I jus had to let you go, I hope someday you'll understand that's why i'm giving you a break. I'll give you time to think and hope whatever you want will turn out to be. I'm tired listening To your "sorry".
I have nothing to say. It just hurts me a lot . I cried so much. I wanted you to love me like you used to. Where's that feeling... can't I get it back ? Nvm, I will wait for an answer. Wait till you come back from hk also can. Till u realise how much I love you. :'( !

T_T

Why guys are like that?
Haizzzzz
leave me crying all night and feeling pain.
Don't act like u care!
For a minute to like, For a love that will lasts.
For a week to be heal , on my birthday it will tell . :'(((((((

Poem by Joan to the one I ever loved,Max.

Here I am , lying on bed hoping you would call , hoping our love will never end
as tears roll down my cheek, I wish your here wiping my tears .
For this is what you want, I will not stop you from doing anything but follow your heart.
You took my heart away , I can never forget.. It hurts me cause it feels as if I was bleeding inside.
I wish our love last forever. Everynight I pray, hoping you would stay. Empty promises I can never trust. Should I trust once again?
Will you treat me that way? I wish everything was true . I wish things were better.
This pain hurts me a lot inside, but you never see it in me thats why you thought everything was fine.
It keeps going and till today I broke down and cry. Where is my heart, boy~...
where is that guy who kiss her lips in the playground :'(((((

my love always

2010-11-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

I've cried so much, yet u won't understand... Maybe it's better for you to be with someone else. Bet u already talk with other girls yet can't even talk to me? Wth is that !!!

So lost here

27 Oct 2010

2010-10-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Had a terrible awful feeling.... this few days me and sweety were quarreling badly, I didn't even know why but I manage to type down things that he won't see.. Does he still love me? I really don't understand why when we quarrel he will jus sort of totally ignore me and still can study?? I already can dieee here... Like now? breathe in slowly, don't cry.... But still will..

My love for him is always there but I can't feel it anymore.. Bet he also won't do anything abt it like cheer me up or surprise me with gifts/sorry cards or anything!!
11.40pm still no call. Wait like a fool :'( does he know that my heart hurts a lot?? Does he care? Does he still needs me ? I really .... Don't know what happen to us. Today should've been a great day. Think also he give up on me le. Nvm...nvm...
Also not say wan some guys that love me , just wanted you. Sighh.
:'(((

Why am I always thinking to marry someone I love so badly?
I've got a dumb dumb brains .
Girl with the dead heart

Angry and .......

2010-09-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

I feel so angry , I was jus trying to help you top card the bloody m1 card! Why do u have to be angry or like venting anger at me?? I don't feel like talking. Can't u be nice to me this week ? think already also don't think will... Nvm ... if some special day wasn't important(impt) den I think I also won't be happy. STUUUPID stomach hurt so badly and my legs have got number of itchy like more than 7 ???

Itchy scratch till bleed and even hv blue black. Zzz... Din even knock to any thing! WHY WHy WHY!!! Go to sleep la!
FYI : I feel useless , unwanted and not cared or pampered. Damnnn~ gotta get this fugging thing outta me !

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate myself.

- on the bed thinking . Sighhhh ..
Hopefully tmr will be a better day.

HeArt feels so pain

2010-09-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

My heart is in pain now and I don't know why? Am I missing him a lot ? I think I do :'(( wAiting for baby to message me but no message then from him ..crying le :'(((( sad , feels like I nv hug him or spend time with him for so long.blogging in my room + T.T !!! I miss you and I need you now. Hmmm ... Wanna surprise you with something special . Hopefully 27 will be a good day I hope? Wonder what will he come out with .. hope it's sweet? Romantic ? Normal?

Why does my heart fucking hurts so much!!! I need u badly now. Feels like nv see u very long . Baby haven't SMS me...
Still waiting....... Waiting........... Waiting ......
Think Also he poopoo-ing? Busy sleeping ? Watching tv or playing games ?I miss him very much sobs . I really want 27 to be very special cause it's our first year anniversary and thinking of this makes me cry plus happy and sad.. Should I call him??

!!!!!! At last a message from dear at 12.50am T.T sobs . But he nv mention any sweet things jus "going down with sis to eat again". Why is he always eating and end up shitting only. Does he care a lot for me ? T,T where were u when I needed you..
Obviously , crying on bed thinking about u missing you . I WANT YOU HERE ! Now !! sad crying so much heart pain. Feel like going out to buy something to cheer me up. Sad . SAD I wan to dieeee le . Heart died. Heart like not moving. OMG. T.T T.T !!

Leave me alone . T______________________________T !

I reaaally need you now. As in NOW :'(((

Day with my boy

2010-09-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Jus finish work not long ago . Am very tired and waited for him at waterfall.. I was at taka today .. Felt sick ,everytime I work there I knew I was not going to be ok . The smell of the food sometime makes me wanna puke. Den my hubby fetch me and was late. But that's ok....:) back hurts alot especially my back. SOOOOooooo.......TIRED! I wan hubby massage me. Pancake :)? :x ilu ~ I love you . anyway waited for him at waterfall for quite some time , not knowing that I listen to my ear piece without any music!

=,=" I miss him ... Wait him on bed. Night my love.

- need to have a puppy , marry , house , and you , BABY!!

2010-07-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

whoa....!, its been a long time!!!! anyway, really having lotsa assignments, quizzes, test and projects every week. really can't take it first year of poly feel like dying , but of course trying hard already.

Today went to accompany my boy after my work visit him at kallang leisure to have dinner with sweety, been feeding him with lotsa food! FEED FEED FEED!!! guess i really love him so much.

Just can't get enough of him. And I've been thinking of marrying him. :] but needa wait for him to ask me luh and our age not right yet unless its engaged. :P den i'll be totally happy. Time for me to take out my lenses before hubby starts calling me ah..

Tuesday is our 10 months. Make it special.
Having you was all i wanted. i'm in love with you.

2010-02-08T08:02:00.000-08:00

hii =/.. feel kinda down lately, i mean, i don't know wtf im thinking
... grr.. its so frustrating and so headache..... geesh, why can't everything be perfect? its so hard sometimes understanding you. i really don't knw what to do, plzz ... plz ... plz..not myself.

Sometimes, when you're so tired, you still needa wake up yknow? I feel so hurt, been thinking abt stuffs & it makes me sad. Like its so hard for you to talk to me/cheer me up/or sweet with me. T_T heart pain , again. hopefully, sunday wld be better i guess? Sighhh .......

waiting fer you ~

Wanna know what will you do/think when i'm not around.
Everything seems so wrong . I'm in a lost forest . :'(

2010-01-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

Breathe by Taylor Swift

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpXS9fFP6es
sry dont know how to upload here.

heeelloooo...all ;x ~

so ...so , sooooorry for not updating. Been spending time with my guy. Really, SO happy, did so much things the past few weeks. Going out,exercising,spending time with him of course and eating most of the time ._. Am gonna be fat. This is bad. He keeps feeding me with food :( i really have to lose weight for thiz.

Sigh...its so boring here. Tmr's a big day yeah , woooo ~~ wheeee~ :] happy happy happy..
Waiting for sch graduating ceremony & also to apply poly pretty soon....hope we can get in.
Wanna see him in long sleeve. wow....cannot wait! >.<"

- I want to be yours forever. Marry me soon ! hehes.

2009-12-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

The perfect day.
27/12

I'd just turn 18. Birthday's over. Christmas over. Got my ite results already. Not good !

Today was suppose to be a lovely day, but it doesn't matter anymore. I just feel depressed now, and it just hurts so much. D went for driving lesson & his soon gona finish it. hmmm...thats nice..
Reach home not long ago, after bathing, D sms me and then, i accidentally broke a christmas deco ball ;(( . I'm sorry christmas tree. Of course , i pick it up with my bare hands didn't want to miss any small pieces of glass cuz I know it hurts when u step on it.

Anyway, picking up those mini bits of glass I started crying and I know of course why...
I just know, maybe I'm not the one of you. But why, why is it always me ending up getting hurt more. Why can't anyone love me. :'((( I'd really wish in this world, there's someone out there for me , waiting for me, loving me more than anyone he had fallen for. I want to be someone special.
I want to be his special girl. I want my love to last forever. I don't want to be hurt again and again. ;'((((( But if he really loves someone better than me, I don't mind letting him go, cuz he loves her more and she'll love him more too. Hope he thinks carefully.

I've always cherish every moment I spend with you. :'((I never regret knowing you. Its
so nice to be in love with you. Lying on bed, listening to some love songs again & again. You make me crazy over you. I just can't get enough of you. Wish I was married, at least I can show my love to you more to you. Wish i was someone's girl. Will it be you? hmm.. I wish it was.

Time for me to lie down on bed and listen to love songs. Love is a great feeling.

I think I'm falling for you.
I wanna be the girl.

2009-12-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

i feel so happy to be with you. you changed everything and make my life so wonderful.
i feel so in loved with you the moment i saw you, your smile,your eyes make it so perfect and handsome. Boy, I love you so much. The more i see you, the more i want you, the feeling is soo....nice. I'm mad about you. As years goes by, my heart is only for you.

:P written by Joan <3

Tomorrow's my birthday eve! I feel so great and happy. I wanna dance with you. maybe someday i'll teach you, then we can dance in some lovely restaurant with lights, people!,romantic dinner, and of course with YOU,my love. feel so wanna cha cha dance now. xD
OH.. ,darling, save the very last dance for me.

Ytd I went with baby to watch "Avatar", at first, I thought it was some boring movies.but But, it was awesome and nice, I love the feeling when we're watching movies together, oh i can feeel your arms and love around me. You maked me so in love with you. I jus can't get enough of you.
your soft and gentle lips, makes it...... easy. You've got to hold, and kiss her! You won't regret it, try a little tenderness.

Darling, My wish is to always have you. *winks. can't tell you my wish yet !:) don't act cute smile smile and read ah.. You're my naughty boy!

Loving you is all I want, Having you is all I need.
I will do anything just to have you. :')))

2009-12-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

This is what we've both been doing the past few days. Think were gonna gain weight sooner. ;'((
Lucky tmr D and i are going for some exercise in east coast yea?? Hopefully gonna lose 1/2 a kg? AHHAHA !!!

This pasta is sooo great.. you can even get this at abt $4 to $6.50 at M.S.S.C @ the food republic!D was eating this lovely Stingray w pasta [oregano leafy.] *steals food from him ;x his always ordering to good ones, unlike me.

This was mine, the usual carbonara wif beef & asparugus, not to forget the CHEESE! i LOVE CHEESE. I'm in love with cheese. except that it has to be melted or those cheese for pasta.

Yum yum yum! , swallowing it down in my tummy already. POOOOT...~BURRPP.

i won't tell you who wrote this, cause the person reading this has to know~...*PEACE.

I'd kinda like this pic a lot thats becuz someone wants me to lie on his shoulder!...how sweet, bet his missing me lots now. sheeesh...we were @ esplanade studying for like 6 hours? I think? butt painnnnns..Urgh.

Baby busy swallowing his prawn pizza? Think i feed him too muchh till his tummy burst.We srsly ate a lot. I can't imagine those fats popping out from my tummy. EWW!

You can see his a gd eater here. .. supper time probably? Mango Pudding jelly?

Not forgetting MY SHAKER FRIES. *SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE!.

Exams are finally over.. I can finally spend time with my someone. you know who you are..o.O Don't gimme that look ?!! humphh, jus received a present from someone. MJ was in this box, then.

MJ de HAMHAM. chose this name not cause of MJ, "MJ" but MJ is a sweet name cause its both our name on it!

loving you is all i want, there's nothing more i want except you.

2009-11-28T06:56:00.000-08:00

today is our 2 month & 1 day. glad that eu still stay wid me.. <3 ing you so much moreee....
I feel like hugging you and feeding you now. sobs, 2day my dear went for driving lessons. Whole day did nothing much only housework and then use com. Without com I think i will be more bored at home dead. Wednesday exam. sighh, faster get through with it!. so can spend time with you more... i need you baby m...pancakey. MY PANCAKEY! :D x3x3 +UUUU <333333
i shall continue talking to him or my babys gonna cryy.

<3 u 270909.

Bumpy ride

2009-11-22T07:02:00.000-08:00

SORRRRYYY... for not updating, but before i start , i really feel effing tired ! boy, I'v jus arrived home like few hours ago. Am really tiredd. Bought 2 LV bags ! WOAH! and flats plus some cute present for someone special to me. S.P.E.C.I.A.L ~ don't know if you'll like it? it looks like some kind of coin pouch or keychain. Can't seem to find stuffs that caught my eye. Was doing a quick shopping. I went up and down the escalator , Turn left , Turn right . walking fast and only passing by breaktalk, A&W, KFC.

shall upload some of the pics tomorrow.

The hotel was a 4 star hotel, yet when we book it they said it was a 5 stars hotel. UNFAIR i tell you ! ARGHH! THE dinner there was like OMG? . but then, morning breakfast was way so much better. Wish there had like bacons, scrambled eggs, ham,cheese that wld be soo much better yea? Went for Indo Massage too. abt SGD $30?? for approx. 1hr30min.. quite good also, but u shld try the javanese massage at chinatown sq . $38 is a very gd one there. But, u'll hv to take out everything except yr below ,"if ya know wat i mean" *BELOW. :D ahahhaaa...

so funny la. I'm always paiseh when doing this kinda things cuz not used to it. the lady massaging me was like abt to take out my towel on my chest. She wanted to massage it, but i didn't let her touch. Towel drop and i cover nothing except my hands on my chest. Phew~.. was turning my head left and right since it was only flat down on the bed. lunch, headed to some restaurants, not to bad also. Ate fish, prawns,chicken,sotong,CRABS....,kang kong,soup,shells and 1 more cant rbm -.-... plus coconut drinks~... nvr finish it up. was too full. ...stomach gonna explode.
But every 24 hours kept looking at phone, trying to sms n call u. sighhh, i jus missed you a lot. a lil sad at there thinking wat you wld do. waiting for you. I jus can't imagine . Do i really deserved you? Will you be there for me? Will you love & care moree abt me? T-T really wish u did but its alright. Mayb yr love is like this, i also can't do anything. thought i can talk to u more, but you sometimes have, sometimes never, idk wat to do also. saying this already makes me even more sad. Anyway, continue reading to my story..abt 6+ check in hotel i'd straight away on the bath tub water more den half of it. Den bath, stuff my whole body n head inside it..beside me with my phone playing music and as usual waiting for u. :/ boy.....really... really.. missed you thats all.
Why can't you treat me like someone special or anything like that. I really feel so fucked up now. Feel so useless :'((((( I'm a stupid dumb dumb wif no brains..NO BRAINS AT ALL!. if you know, you also won't be treating me like this what. Can't anyone treat me well? Will anyone ever give me their support ,love and understand & care abt me. I really really wish there is someone out there . Will it be you? i dont know ...all you have to do is realise what you're doing. I can't be possibily telling you wat to do right? sighh , I just don't get it . Why can't you make your move.

Very dead now. I have nothing to say.Nor you, wanting to talk to me.

2009-11-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

sighh i feel so sad..... zzz sometimes i wish to close my eyes. I really cant stand it!!!! I can't think. I think i'm having a headache soon. My eyes are soon closing. Sleepy sleepy tired eyes.
But why am i sad? hmm.... . .. ................. can't think!

I'd nvr blog this few days cause i was busy with things. sighh, kept playing games to forget *******************. Its halloween ytd, wanted to wear some costumes to scare of my dear. ahahaa.. ;]
yawn, to tell you the truth, I've been going out every single day of my life. I can't seem to stay at home, cuz if i do..., I'll emo , watch teeeveeee, sit there whole day like a couch POTATO! -.-".
Movie is the one thing i'll go for ! To enjoy, relax, spend time with him ^^, kiss him, hug him!, laugh and to be sad at times? :x dun worry, not always sad k darling? I enjoyed doing many many things with you, and sometimes , i can't stop thinking abt you. Your soft lips, makes me HIGHH! & i can go on, kissing non-stop with youu. I'd really really love you so much, wish you were mine all the way. really mean it sweetheart~

Why can't i known you earlier! ._. anyway, you are mine!, "mine!! MINE! MINEEE!!!". :]
<3 max 27.09.09 - I love you max , i really do......., boy.
hope your not sick anymore. +UUU love potions.

2009-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

i hate hate hate my mum .. I know she's my mum , but you don't need to scold me till i'm so fcked up rite?? rite???! talk to her so nicely yet she say i was raising my voice. Can't believe she scold me till i get hurt. Not the first time anyway. I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE! I'm sry if i'm saying this thats bcuz i'm sick of ppl telling me wat to do when i aldy know i'm trying my best . I don't need any support from anyone , but to tell you the truth, i really hoped that there's someone supporting me when i'm about to give up with my retard life .

I know I shouldn't be talking abt my life . But I'd jus have to write it here all everything down. That's my way of taking out all my sadness , anger, depression! !! I don't want to live, I WANT TO DIEEEEE fasterrr... no need anyone to care and worry abt me. tsk ... my gums and teeth are so pain that i can hardly eat hard stuffs. only soft food .... boy, forcing myself to drink milk now. It taste awful but 30% love it now. i wish i dont have any more pain in myself.

Take me away, you belong with me.
- Sometimes I think of marriage, how lovely it would be for me and you to spend time together.

2009-10-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

;(((((((((((((

my back hurts a lot today. went to the gym in the morning. i didnt know i was tired or anything like that, till i finish exercising...Then, the painnnnn.... you cant even imagine. Cuz I'm having difficulties breathing now. when i breathe, my back hurts, like a knife poking behind me. So damn pain. I wasnt really like this before, till someday i manage to find out on my own. It started when i was around pri sch. Thats all i can rbm! ...didnt want to tell anyone cause maybe they wont care. Never ever tell my parents too. Worried I have to go for operation :((

I'm so weak. But i may look strong. My bones are heavy and i needa drink more milk and calcium. please.... please..... please..... force me to drink dear. :p I know you will, cuz your a very naughty boy, and I LOVE YOU! :) heheeh. water .meat.calcium?!!! I'm going to be fat. uh oh....

-soon its going to be a month.

2009-10-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

i'm home earthlings :) . . . . few days ago I stepped on vomit -.- EWW!... yea.. i know, its damn disgusting lar... tmr working full shift. nv took a day for past few weeks, its hell i tell you!. sleUpt like only 4 hours ytd. hais , now having eye bags, due to T.T . . . . ahhhh...zz nvmm. need to sleep early. I want to go ice skating , shopping. I want to go out with you, but...... ..... you wont say anything de..Always me must ask first. :/ simple 3 words also like so hard to say. .. stupid me trying to "hint" u, and always waiting like a dumb fool. Don't want to teach you <3 , let you learn yourself. I hope you can talk to me more and care about me, I don't want to cry !

- Am i a good for nothing or no ppl to ask then ask me out?

- Teach me your way of loving me.

2009-10-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

hais, I'm home...whoopee...zzz.. was walking on the rain jus now, a lil emo. Bought bee hoon with egg and vege. $2! .... I was working in the afternoon and i'd almost fell down while taking out stocks. luckyy me. ;( if not i won't be able to walk aldy.....I wish guys were automatic sometimes..shivering. I wish you message me and at least care without me telling you or messaging u first. I feel quite unloved at times ya know? Not trying to scold you or anything, but plz!......plz......!try to understand me. I don't need any presents or anything to cheer me up. At least treat me like a human being.I have feelings too T.T..... i'm a friend only??

-for once i thought i was something special, but never was i. Ni ai wo ma?

2009-10-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

stomach painnnnnnn ..... ...... ..

I was quite sad at first, then, I started thinking again. I love you, A lot. I miss you so much and I really can't help thinking/dreaming. Now, I'm having ulcer on my lower gums near my teeth ;(((
"Ouchh"... it hurts. Was thinking of piercing my belly but i'll see how .

Today was..... great. Enjoyed, doing eh hemm with you.... haha. :p if ya know wat i mean . morning = food (pasta), lunch (2 bites of bread) dinner (double cheesy burger set) + few bites of fried rice, supper (eh hemm) :D came home abt 2.40am . but, you havent reach home yet. Waiting for you of course !?

I want to go to some clubs or bar/ktv to chill/relax. Its totally so stress-free for me. Also wana go roller blade or ice skating soon. I don't care, I have to go somewhere to enjoy myself before sch reopens.

-I love you, and you know it.

-squishy soft lips.

2009-10-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

I feel so tired. All I do is work and work. damn!. . . . quite frustrated today, but I bought something to cheer me up. ...that is cosmetics stuffs? =.=" It was on sale and my hands were itchy. everytime the event space has something new, I can't sell anything much. All girls were rushing there to buy some cheap stuff, and every few hours the guys have to replenish the stocks. Guess what I bought? .....some facial/cosmetics products and a few bags. Tired carrying it since it was heavy. But I always purchase last minute but reserve here and there . Quite worth.

Don't knw what my head is thinking now. confused. tired. sleepy. miss my pumpkin pie =/
stomach hurts so badly. naughty tummy trying to make me sick ;((( haiss.. I miss you so much. I feel so scared to love you sometimes. I don't want to be hurt. sighhh....Wish time could stop.
I want to dance around the rain and wear pretty gloves and ice skate with you.

-Thinking of you. What would you do?

2009-10-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

happy.
I'm so happy today. At least I get to see you awhile. Sometimes I feel like being with you more and spending time,but i know, I'm busy with work. you hugged me ;D ...so SO sweet. heart melt like HOT BUTTER MELTING.. wow!..... :)))))))))))) wish can hug you and kiss you everyday :} hehes. I blushed to long !! argh! . so paiseh, but i cool down myself. -.- ate so much today also.
hope your appetite get back soon. you lose too much blood.wish i could donate. but my blood low le.

i love your worn out jeans ! ... *steals your jeans and pulls hard! haha.... miss you so much. But i like spending time with you. Makes me happy .. geez..... feel like hugging you again. the feeling is like so ...."super duper in love" ... haha.. guess u reading this now.YOU PIG!..

-Sometimes words are difficult to say , but actions is so much BETTER! <3

2009-09-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been going out and guess wat?!! I met a lot of weird/crazy ppl. T__T very worried this few days. . . cause like past one week I've ppl coming up to me saying that " YOU REMEMBER ME? , SO LONG NO SEE?" that one is an old man at toa payoh when i was on my way meeting someone.... eh hemm... and yesterday morning ate at northpoint food court. This old malay woman keep changing her seats evry 5 mins. Sit Front and back.. i was so damn pissed off, somemore she was wearng a sarong with beanie and shades..lolz....so after eating... went out quickly from there since i was eating wif my fren, amirah..

she's so good.. I wish my best fren was like that too. GTG...dye-ing my hair tmr.. milk tea. hope to post the pics here... i've got a worst phone. going out tmr with someone special~

- I'm in love with you.